To Meetup and Be Present

I went to a Meetup yesterday, the first that I’ve been to in a while. When we first moved out here I went to a whole bunch while I was searching for a job, and while they didn’t lead anywhere job-wise, they did get me out and about, socializing if only at a very shallow level. It’s easy to get rutted into our little tracks, and this meetup did a good job of getting me out of mine.

The meetup was on Python, two conference-like presentations about big chunks of Python the presenters had written. I hope to make it to a few conferences this year — I’m definitely at least going to one conference on writing in February — as conferences always seem kind of refreshing, a big dunk into the world of whatever their topic is. The meetup I just went to hosts its own conference now, so maybe that will be one of the conferences I go to this year.

I’m not sure whether I’m waiting for things to get back to normal after the holidays and the health scare, or if I’m looking for something to change. I think I’m happy with things, but there’s just that deep itch that says that I want something new. I think it may just be that I’m scared of being happy. Being happy means that I could lose that feeling. It’s a silly problem to have, isn’t it? And yet it’s a pretty common one I think. Anyone who has anything is scared of losing it. It’s the human condition.

When we strive for something, we put in all kinds of effort perhaps, but it necessarily means that we are working for change, that we aren’t accepting things as they are. Anyone who is too driven can easily lose sight of the here and now. And it’s when we lose sight of the present that we are the most vulnerable. It’s always been a precarious balance, for me. I like to think that I’m getting better at being present in the present, at just letting myself be happy.

Being present waiting for the train